Police Rescue Robber Found Hanging Upside Down

A burglar really bungled up his recent robbery. He was not only foolhearty enough to break into a streetside window in broad daylight, but he somehow got his shoe stuck in the window as he crawled through it. He was found hanging upside down by his shoelace. He was left to hang there for over an hour while onlookers gathered to laugh at him. Police and paramedics finally showed up and cut him down, then hauled him immediately to jail. He pleaded guilty of attempted robbery and will be sentenced in September.

I have to hand it to him, he's about the worst burglar I have ever heard of, and there are some pretty dumb burglars out there.

9 Year Old Boy Banned From Pitching for Being Too Good

Jericho Scott pitches for his team in the Youth Baseball League at New Haven, Connecticut. He is an excellent athlete and can pitch at speeds of over 40 mph. He pitches so well, that other teams refused to even try to hit anything he throws. His last opposing team forfeited their match with his team, declining to play at all. The league officials banned Scott from playing and plan to distribute his teammates among other teams in the league. His coach resigned and his team refuses to split. Parents are now protesting the league games demanding he be allowed to play. This is the first time a child has been under so much discrimination for being TOO good. It's amazing how far society will go to persecute people who truly excel.

Bigfoot is a Hoax AGAIN

So now we come back to part two of our Bigfoot saga. It turns out the mythic skunk-ape was really just a stinking lie. When scientists finally got their hands on the block of ice supposedly with a Bigfoot in it, they got to do some real science. It didn't take long for them to figure out that the big feet were really made of rubber and most of the possum hair had been burned onto it. The two men who supposedly made the find of a century are nowhere to be found. Their voicemail says they are off searching for the Loch Ness monster and leprechauns. One of them was formerly a police officer in Georgia but he has been discharged from the force because of the questions this hoax raised about his integrity.

Michael Phelps Shatters World Records

Michael Phelps made history this week in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. He swam for a perfect 8 gold medals in a single Olympics. This shattered the old record by one gold. His final gold medal was especially nerve wracking because his last race was a relay. He had to depend on 3 of his other teammates to take the gold with him. If any of them were to fail, he wouldn't have won his gold. He also got to show the French team what he was made of after they rudely mocked him before his swim. He is not quickly becoming very famous after making the world record. I hope he has a big trophy case to put all that gold in.

Bigfoot is REAL!

... or so claims a pair of men in Georgia. They have supposedly recovered the body of the mythical Bigfoot. This seven-foot-tall ape is crammed in a freezer in some undisclosed location awaiting tests to determine if it is in fact real. Initial blood tests have shown nothing conclusive and scientists are holding their breath to wait for the autopsy results.

I'm not getting my hopes up, personally. While I could see a family of reclusive giant apes going undiscovered for centuries in the wilds of northern America, I find it hard to believe they could remain hidden in the middle of Georgia, thousands of miles from any previous sightings.